I never thought about what my mind could do for me when it came to my body being ill. My usual reaction to an illness or an injury was to try not to think about it, to put it to the back of my mind and try not to focus on such things as pain, misery, or inability. This kind of reaction helped me through a lot of minor ailments, but failed me completely when it came to facing the heart problems that eventually overtook me. Coping with that situation required a more positive approach to healing.
I thought I was in perfect health when I suffered the aortic dissection. I was on the verge of death when I arrived at the hospital, and after the doctors assessed that I was too weak for an arterial transplant they put me in a deep coma for two weeks and hoped my body would stabilize itself. When I finally woke up in intensive care it was to the news that my body would stabilize itself. When I finally woke up in intensive care it was to the news that my life had changed for ever.
Back home I was unable to get out of bed. The pain was intense and every time I tried to move the stress would shoot my blood pressure up to dangerous levels. The massive amounts of medication I required to keep my heart rate and pressure subdued and my blood pressure under control made it almost impossible to think straight or concentrate on anything.
Whenever I closed my eyes, I was assailed by nightmarish visions that were a side effect of the drugs. My prognosis wasn’t good, my odds were short at surviving my condition , and my options were almost nonexistent. Life began to be a losing battle.
Then one night as I lay in bed, I realized this illness of mine was something I could not run away from. This was a disease that would kill me if I let it control my life, I had to find a way to deal with all the pain and misery I was going through. I prayed to God for the strength to deal with this new burden. It came to me that I was not a quitter. Whenever life had given me a challenge, I’d found a positive way to deal with it. So that was what I would do with my illness.
Instead of just lying there telling myself there was nothing I could do, I decided to take action. The next morning I made myself sit on the edge of t he bed. I looked out the bedroom window and watched as the clouds rolled past in a bright blue sky. I told myself, “In a week I’m going to go outside and breathe that fresh air for myself.”
The next few days I spent my time talking with my family, letting them know that I wanted to feel free to visit any time they wanted, encouraging them to treat me as someone on the road to recovery. I began to focus on everything around me, telling myself the fog and confusion caused by my medication was something I could handle. Slowly, a bit at a time, I was able to concentrate again.
I made a game of setting a new goal for myself each day. By the third day I stood outside and drew in a breath of fresh air. I told myself I wasn’t going to dread each visit to the doctor or every scan or X-ray the specialists took. I told myself the results would be positive. I followed the limitations the doctors placed on me for a while, but slowly, as I eased myself back into my life, I found those limitations stretched, and the strength and health to handle them.
I don’t want to give the impression there weren’t any setbacks. Many times I found my heart beating wildly and dizziness forcing me to my knees. At first this kind of reaction meant a sudden trip to the hospital, but gradually, I told myself t hat I could handle such episodes, and as they came on the disease and I wasn’t in any real danger, that I could control the reactions my body was having.
My mind and my body began to work together to help me cope with this disease. I developed routines where I would calm myself, will my heartbeat to return to normal and try to even things out. I found that I could slowly and safely increase my physical activity and that I could take on many of the responsibilities I’d had before the attack. I was careful to always take my medication, get enough rest, and not push too far, but this was something more. This was my mind taking positive steps to help control and guide my recovery. It worked wonders.
Over a decade has passed since my life was changed by my illness, and I’m happy to say that I’ve regained much of what I’d lost before. There are changes, things I still have to deal with, but now I deal with them directly and positively, with the knowledge that there is much I can do to help myself by how I think about myself, and how I handle each situation as it arises. I’m on a much more positive path in my life, and having that attitude has made the journey that much more enjoyable.
