TAUNTS FROM PEERS A ND PARENTS SHATTER A CHILD’S CONFIDENCE. WE NEED TO CHOOSE OUR WORDS WISELY.
Smriti Raut was packing her seven-year old son’s school bag when she noticed that his compass box did not have the pencils she had packed the previous day. This had been happening very often. Raut wondered how Arjun had become so careless, but she pulled out a few pencils from the cupboard and put them in anyway. Seeing this, Arjun dashed towards her, snatched the pencils from her hand and threw them out of the window before bursting into tears. After much coaxing, Arjun revealed that an older boy in the school bus had “confiscated” his pencils. The boy had called Arjun “motu”, “chasmish” and had even spat on him. “I was aghast.”
Arjun isn’t the only child who has faced body shaming. One would have imagined that our society would have become more inclusive and sensitive thanks to the body positivity movement, but shaming remains rampant and kids are not spared.
It is so natural for grandparents, aunts, uncles, and even strangers to comment on a child’s physical appearance – ‘kitna gol matol hai’ (he’s so round) or ‘kitni sukdi patli hai’ (she’s like a twig) — that almost every child would have faced body shamming at some point in their formative years. “So many people shared and commented that my reels went viral. Many moms wrote to me, pouring their heart out about the body shaming their kid had faced.
AFFECTS BODY IMAGE:
How traumatic experiencing body shaming can be. Body shaming has a profound impact on a child’s self-esteem and emotional health. “They start doubting their own capabilities and start distrusting themselves.” A child who is body shamed at school experiences a lot of confusion and this may come in the form of tension or irritation, changes in body language as well as changes in eating and sleeping habits. “Watch out for these signs.”
NO GENDER GAP HERE:
Children often open up to her about the criticism they face. “While girls have talk about the pressure to be Sephora girls, boys have admitted they are too shy to enter the school swimming pool because other boys mock them for having breasts.” Breast development among boys is common because of hormonal changes during puberty and that kids need to be sensitized about the growing-up changes so they are kind to each other.
Boys, in particular, can be very mean to each other. “From mocking those with less facial hair in the classroom to teasing kids about their penis size in the restroom, you can’t imagine the shaming boys experience.”
SHAMING BEGINS AT HOME:
Experts point out that children are not only subjected to body shaming at school or in building compounds, but also with the four walls of their homes. Most parents don’t even realize that they are body shaming their kids. In fact, a section of parents believe that they are doing a favor to their kids by showing them the mirror. Studies have found that kids who have faced weight-based teasing at home are more prone to eating disorders when they grow up. The American Academy of Pediatrics warned parents against prescribing or discussing weight loss with kids because this can backfire and increase risk for weight gain, as well as cause psychological harm in the long run.
WEIGH YOUR WORDS, NOT YOUR KIDS:
Considering weight issues have become common among kids — India ranks second highest in the world in childhood obesity — conversations around the subject are UNAVOIDABLE. Experts believe parents need to talk to kids with sensitivity, not judgment. “It is a parent’s responsibility to guide the child back onto the correct path, but there are many ways to do this without resorting to criticism.”
Parents must refrain from saying things, ‘Oh my god, you’ve become so fat’, ‘You are not looking good in that dress’ and so on. “Children typically tend to gain weight in their preteen and teen years. They are already very sensitive and rebellious at that stage. So, if you tell them to not eat a packet of chips because they are fat, rest assured the chips will be eaten. At that stage, kids want to show that they are too cool to care about your opinion.” Parents need to focus on talking to kids about health and fitness rather than body weight.
Parents whose kids who have been victims of body shaming need to be very patient and support their child to ensure the experience does not shatter their confidence. “How you talk to a child or what you think of your child, shapes their inner voice. So, choose your words wisely and ensure you are instilling body positivity from a young age.”
HOW TO HELP A CHILD WHO HAS BEEN BODY SHAMED:
Listen without judgment: First, start supporting the child and say ‘I understand what you must be going through’ irrespective of the kind of shaming the child has faced. Acknowledge your child’s feelings.
Instill a sense of confidence: Tell your child that all body shapes, sizes, and colors are beautiful and that they don’t have to worry about other’s opinions. It is important to compliment your child often for both their appearance and their qualities (talents, generosity, hard work) so they grow up to be confident individuals who don’t get affected by people’s comments easily.
Teach them to respond: Don’t ask your child to ignore body shaming or tell them that ‘it is okay, it happens to everyone.’ Ignoring is equal to accepting. You must teach your child to be assertive and respond to negative comments. They can say ‘I do not prefer listening to your views about my body. Please do not comment again.’ Once they have made their stand clear, the person concerned is less likely to comment again. ”
Connect and correct: Talk to the adult who is shaming your child or the parents of the child shaming your kid. Tell them that their comments are not acceptable. Involve teachers if required. If the shaming continues, you should report it to school authorities.
Be body positive: Don’t stand in front of the mirror and whine about your new pimple or your love handles. Learn to love yourself the way you are, and your child will follow suit.
Help them cope: Teach your child coping strategies or listening to music when they are feeling stressed by someone’s comments. Create coping corners (small reading or painting areas) at home. Approach a child psychologist or the school counselor if you feel your child has been deeply affected.
CHILD IS OVERWEIGHT? TALK ABOUT FIT, NOT FAT:
Don’t tease: Do not call your child motu, golu, and other such terms, even in a playful way as this can have an impact on the child’s self-esteem. Talk about being healthy or fit versus unhealthy.
Increase awareness: Don’t tell your child to shed weight to look good. Instead, focus on the importance of being healthy for overall wellness. Talk about how excess weight can lead to hormonal issues, elevated blood sugar levels and poor concentration.
Make movement part of life: Try to get your child into a sports, dance or fitness class so he burns calories without even realizing it. Plan outdoor family picnics rather than movie nights and go for long nature walks. Create challenges Promise to take your child bowling if she/he accompanies you for a walk everyday for week.
Provide the right environment: Stock your pantry with healthy snacks. Buy a hula hoop, skipping rope or stationary bike and join your kid for a fun fitness session at home after work.
Model healthy behavior: If your child sees hitting the gym and eating clean, they are likely to want to work on themselves.
Seek help: If you feel the weight is a serious concern, seek the help of a nutritionist or paediatrician.
