As parents, we want the best for our children, but sometimes, especially during exam season, our intentions clash with how our children perceive our actions. A simple statement like “your results” will shape your future” can be meant as encouragement but may land as pressure. A student recently told me he was tired of hearing, “You are not using your full potential” and another confessed that when she forgets a formula during the exam, she can already picture her dad’s disappointed face.
For children and parents, navigating exam season could be stressful as walking through a minefield. But it needn’t be so. Parents can easily create a stress-free environment at home. take the letters EXAM as a framework (E for ‘Establish a plan, X for ‘eXecute with focus, A for Avoid Pressure and M for ‘Maximize performance’) and you will see the difference.
ESTABLISH A PLAN:
Sit with your child and plan their schedule taking their inputs into account. Ask open-ended questions like “What do you think is the best way to balance easy and tough subjects?” and “How can we plan your breaks to keep you refreshed?”
Ensure your child has all the stationery, books, and materials they would need. Discuss practical details like what clothes they’ll wear and their exam-day routine to avoid last-minute stress. Discuss which subjects to study each day and preplan study topics for evenings after each exam. Have a collaborative discussion to give your child ownership while ensuring they’re covering all key areas.
EXECUTE WITH FOCUS:
As exams approach, reduce the intensity of reminders and interventions. Trust your child’s preparation and focus on their well-being. A father shared: “My daughter gets anxious when I keep asking if she has revised. So now, I just with her quietly while she studies. She says it helps her feel supported.”
I suggest you encourage your child to:
- Get at least eight hours of sleep to boost memory and focus.
- Stay hydrated and eat healthy meals.
- Practice mindfulness or relaxation techniques to calm their nerves.
AVOID PRESSURE:
One student asked me, “Why do so many people call me to wish me luck for the 10th board exams? That did not happen in any other grade. It creates unnecessary pressure on me.” Many parents use the same approach for all their kids, which isn’t always effective. As one parent shared, “One son needs pressure to study, while the other gets anxious even with a single reminder. I have to manage them differently.”
Parenting during exams can be emotionally taxing. You might find yourself saying, “If I don’t remind to study, will they take it seriously?” But your anxiety can spill over to them. Research shows that our bodies are highly attuned to stress and anxiety cues from those around us. Often, we unconsciously absorb the stress of others, making it feel like our own — this phenomenon is called second-hand stress. This stress can influence our emotions and responses, impacting our overall well-being.
Instead of bottling it up or letting it leak out as nagging, sharing your feelings constructively. For instance, say, “I’m a little worried about how you’re feeling about math. How can I help?” to open the door to collaboration rather than confrontation.
MAXIMIZE PERFORMANCE:
It is crucial to convey your unconditional love to your child. Tell them, “I love you, not because of your grades, but because you are you. What matters to me is the effort you put in, not the outcome.” A day before the exam date should be about relaxation. Avoid last-minute quizzing or revision marathons. Encourage your child to:
- Go for a walk or engage in some light physical activity. Parent
- Prepare their exam essentials (admit card, pen, etc) calmly.
- Help them learn how to take deep breaths and visualize taking the exam.
- Review subject summary notes and formulae.
One student mentioned, “I love it when my mom makes my favorite comfort food before exams. It feels like a small celebration of my effort.” Let’s do these little things to make our kids happy before the exam. On the day of the exam, inspire them to feel like a champion who has conquered the journey through consistent effort all year, rather than resorting to last-minute preparation. Guide them to pause between papers and take two or three conscious breaths. Deep breathing helps the brain get more oxygen and can help them think clearly. Remind them to smile during the paper which will make them feel relaxed. Encourage them to use the full exam time to carefully review their answers, ensuring that they haven’t missed anything.
After the exam, advise them to avoid discussing answers or calculating marks, as this can lead to unnecessary stress. Instead, help them stay positive and shift their focus to preparing for the next paper. Resist the urge to interrogate them about how it went. Instead, ask: “How did you feel about it?” and “Is there anything you’d like to adjust for the next paper?” This shifts the focus from judgment to learning.
Gary Chapman, author of “The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers”, said, “How full is your emotional tank?” Parents need to fill their emotional tanks to support their children effectively during exam seasons. This could mean taking time to relax, sharing concerns with a partner or friend, or simply take a moment to breathe. When you’re calm and balanced, it’s easier to create a supportive environment for your child during exam time.
Remember, parents are like a lighthouse — providing guidance, stability, and reassurance while their child navigates the rough waters of academic stress. A lighthouse doesn’t steer the ship; it simply provides a steady light, helping the sailor find their way safely. The waters may get choppy with anxiety and self-doubt, but knowing that you are there — unwavering and understanding — gives them the confidence to sail forward with focus and resilience.
So, as your child walks into the exam hall, remind them, “You’re ready. Just do your best, and I’m proud of you no matter what.”
