WHEN ALZHEIMER’S STRIKES.

People who have had experience with this terrible disease offer these positive ways of dealing with Alzheimer’s disease.

• Separate the actions from the person — An Alzheimer’s victim often uses profanity and may even become aggressive towards a caregiver. Accept that the frustration of not being able to accomplish ordinary tasks may cause the agitation and anger at the closest person. Remember, for Alzheimer’s victims, the world as they have known it is changing. They are slowly losing control of their life. Understanding that the anger is directed at the situation, not at you, helps you to control your response. Your mother may even start cursing you, but don’t judge her for it, through you should still try to discourage it.
• Don’t say, “You already told me that!” — Since she has no memory, she has no reason to refrain from telling you again. It is not to annoy you. Respond the first time and let the other words go in one ear and out the other.
• Keep your language simple — Don’t use detailed explanations because reasoning skills are weakening as well. Use simple words and short sentences to explain what you want done. You will have to repeat yourself over again. Do that with kindness in your voice.
• Don’t ask many questions — Questions turn off the brain. It is difficult enough for the Alzheimer’s patient to recall information, much less understand what you want. Information is still there; it just can’t be retrieved on demand. Make statements that don’t require a response, or talk about things she brings up. Communicating this way reduces stress and the pressure of having to make a failing recall system perform.
• Keep the quality of life as meaningful as possible — Always include the Alzheimer’s victim in meaningful and fun experiences until it becomes too difficult,. Continue to include her in activities and take her places, even if she is just a spectator. As the disease progresses, there may be complaints of never going anywhere or doing anything, but you can be satisfied personally knowing the daily quality of life is good.
• Require the Alzheimer’s patient to do as many daily living skills as possible as long as possible — You may feel sorry and want to help her by doing things yourself. In reality, you will be helping the disease rob that particular skill sooner. Once a skill is stopped, no matter how simple, it cannot be relearned.
• Know when to stop requiring certain skills — As it becomes more difficult to perform a skill, frustration and possibility anger will result if you require that it be done. There are many reactions, from becoming violent with you, to just hanging her head in shame and despair.. By discerning and know when to expect her to continue on and when to provide assistance.

This is not always a cut-and-dried decision. One day a task can be performed, and the next day completely forgotten. There will be times when right in the middle of a confusing conversation something sensible or even witty will be said. When this happens, smile or laugh — enjoy a special moment together. You will want to just freeze it in time and make her stay that way. And then you will wonder if it could be done now, why not all the time.

That’s just the way this degenerative disease works. Things will go back and forth between the person you know and this shell of a personality until your loved one is gone completely. Knowing it’s not just stubbornness helps keep a lid on possible anger and frustration on your part.

• When you know the struggle is too great to use a fork, allow the use of a spoon — Don’t make it worse because it hurts or embarrasses you to see your parent use a spoon, or because you’re convinced that together you will beat this disease. It’s okay to feel the hurt and the anger, but the skill is going to fade away, and the struggle is senseless. You have to accept each stage and go on.
• Keep the environment as simple as possible, and don’t leave that safe haven unless it is necessary — Everyday surroundings provide security. When you take the person out of this security, anxiety increases. She may not want to go somewhere to do something previously enjoyed. It is because she no longer feels safe outside her home, the sanctuary. It is only there that things are familiar. If your mother is still able to live in her home ( with or without-at-home caregiver help), she may feel lost when she leaves her house. If taken somewhere, she may frequently ask to go home. She needs that home-court advantage. When you must take somewhere, it’s not a bad idea to keep one familiar person in her sight, so she will not feel completely lost and abandoned.
• Guard this person’s dignity — Let’s say your mother is eating with all of you around the table. She tries to sneak and use her hands to pick up the soft food. Instead of scolding her, accept that she needs help and place the food on the spoon and the spoon in her hand. She may become despondent and feel like a fool — and your heart may break — but try not to “parade” her lack of skills when possible. When s he says, “I used to be able to do a lot, but I’m not worth a thing anymore,” just continue to love her. God loves us all in whatever stage we are. We are all people of worth to Him. Always communicate His love and your love when statements like this are made.
• If you are the primary caretaker, arrange sometime away for yourself — Everyone needs time of their own. If we are only taking care of someone else’s needs, we may develop emotional problems of our own because of the well-known situation of “burnout.” If you expect to continue to take care of your loved one, take care of yourself.
• Find a little humor during your time together — Sometimes when your loved one makes a mistake, you might feel like laughing, but you think it would be in appropriate. Laugh! Often the person will laugh right along with you and the moment suddenly becomes a regular, more bearable life experience. Laughter is a stress reliever and indeed, as Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is a good medicine.”

Above all, it’s imperative to hold on to memories of who your loved one was. As this disease has robbed your mother of her personality and dignity, it will attempt to rob all of your precious memories of times together. Let’s face it: Alzheimer’s produces a different person with some characteristics that are hard to accept. It is sometimes a battle to keep the current unpleasant happenings from overshadowing the old memories.

It’s quite likely that your mother won’t “do” anything more. She won’t remember the steps for completing simple tasks. She will probably just sit there most of the time. Stand her up, when you can. Take her on walks around the neighborhood. Hold her hand and cuddle with her.

Tell her what a great cook she was and how she would sew up a new dress for you in a day for a special occasion. Tell her how you remember the times when you would lay in bed together and laugh and talk for hours.

During Alzheimer’s early stages, your mother will still be able to pray and read her Bible. But if Alzheimer’s grabs control, the disease will mostly likely make her forget the Lord also. But know that He remembers her and loves her. Jesus understands all the trauma and feelings of unworthiness she is suffering.

Great-Grandma will be all alright when she gets her “new mind” in heaven. You should both experience a sense of peace as you ponder this promise, and cling to it daily with all your heart.

You’ll need thoughtful moments like that in the coming days ahead.