ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY BLIND?
Have you ever wondered whether the next person sitting next to you might not be able to feel emotions the way you do? This person you know might be suffering from ALEXITHYMIA, also knowns as Emotional Blindness. Simply put, it can be defined as the inability to be in touch with one’s own feelings.
‘Cause I, ’cause I
I don’t know how to feel
But I wanna try
I don’t know how to feel
But someday I might
Someday I might.
The song What was I Made For by Billie Eilish attempts to express the feelings of a person suffering from ALEXITHYMIA — someone who is eager to experience emotions but for some reason, is unable to, despite trying. Interestingly, one surprising fact about Alexithymia is that a person suffering from it might not be aware of their condition.
Through our childhood, we learned how our sensory organs function. These organs sense alterations in our surroundings, respond to our stimuli, and transmit signals to the brain. According to conventional definitions, the heart is not considered a sensory organ since it does not perceive external stimuli.
However, we recognize that it does sense internal stimuli, which can include stress, joy in a relationship, or even arguments with parents — each of these influencing the heart.
Kashvi, 20, has been dating a boy for a few months and has experienced some discomfort in her relationship. She asked him for a break to figure things out and spent this time journaling. She was trying to understand the reason behind her unhappiness with this boy, who, in many ways, seemed right for. But two weeks later, when she met him, she told him that their relationship could not continue. He asked her why, furious at her decision. She had no answer — she was completely blank. Words disappeared from her mouth as she didn’t even know what she was feeling. She was neither happy nor sad about the breakup. To this day, she believes she has a Heart of Stone.
The above example illustrates Alexithymia, where a person struggles to feel and express their emotions. This condition is far more serious than it seems.
WHAT DOES ALEXITHYMIA FEEL LIKE?:
A Blank: Alexithymia feels like a void. A person is disconnected from their emotions and constantly puzzled. While they surely experience discomfort, they do not know the reason behind it. In response, they may develop a sense of social normalization, making them even less aware of their own emotions.
ALIENATION: Imagine not being in touch with your emotions. Wouldn’t that make you feel like an outsider? An alien in your own home, in your own body. You see others experiencing emotions, but when it comes to yourself, you don’t even know what you feel. Imagine being in a group where everyone is celebrating India’s victory in a cricket match, yet you stand there, unable to feel anything. You may also struggle with a sense of belonging — to a place, a person, or even your own possessions.
DETACHMENT FROM THE BODY: Since emotions are largely physical sensations, Alexithymia can also manifest as a sense of disconnection from one’s own body. You might not feel deeply connected to yourself. While certain aspects of your sensory experience may seem heightened, at times, your body might feel more like an object rather than an extension of you. You might struggle with bodily awareness — having a below-average sense of hunger, pain, or even the feeling of being grounded.
EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION: Ironically, another manifestation of Alexithymia is emotional dysregulation, also known as Emotional Peaks. Some might believe: I cannot have Alexithymia because I experience very intense emotions!” However, this is misinterpretation of what Alexithymia entails. It generally involves a deficiency in emotional awareness rather than a complete absence of emotion.
You might not sense your emotions until they escalate to an extreme level. However, by the time they reach a peak, they are overwhelming, Feelings can catch off you guard, suddenly rising from 0 to 100. You might experience an intense surge of rage, break down in hopelessness, or feel guilt for no apparent reason. If you had recognized your emotions earlier, you would have had a better understanding of what you were feeling and why, allowing your mind and body more time to manage them.
You might also be more sensitive than usual to certain emotions, such as rejection or injustice, while remaining indifferent to others. Though it may seem paradoxical, emotional intensity and emotional blindness can sometimes be two sides of the same coin.
THINGS THAT CAN BE AFFECTED BY ALEXITHYMIA:
Sense of Self: Our sense of identity is linked to how we feel about various things, the people around us, and even our own likes and dislikes. Having Alexithymia can make a person question themselves, and without a sense of internal stability, they may become overly dependent on external factors.
Self-Awareness: Imagine a person unable to express their emotions. How would they describe themselves? Many people with Alexithymia have no idea about their own personality. All they know is blank, blank, blank, leading to constant self-doubt. This is often seen in individuals who have suffered abuse since childhood, as they may have learned to suppress or disconnect from their emotions.
Decision-making: Do you think a person is completely unaware of their own personality can be trusted with decision-making? If you don’t know whether you like something or not, how can you make a choice? Be it selecting an ice cream flavor or choosing a life partner — decisions can become an overwhelming challenge.
Relationships: Navigating relationships with Alexithymia can be difficult. One day, you feel okay with something, and the next day, you dislike completely. The question “Do you want to be friends or something more?” becomes incredibly hard to answer.
Boundaries: Many individuals struggle with setting boundaries, but for those with Alexithymia, even recognizing boundaries can be a challenge. How do you know if someone is treating you poorly? How do you know what you need to communicate?
You sense it. But Alexithymia makes it harder to assess social situations in real time and respond appropriately. This may make a person — especially women, due to patriachal societal standards — more vulnerable to mistreatment, manipulation, guilt, and related issues.
SO, IS ALEXITHYMA ALL GLOOM AND DOOM?:
Well, not everything has to be as gloomy and suffocating as Delhi in winter.
Alexithymia can offer a unique perspective. Your views might be refreshingly different from others at the table. Not knowing how to process emotions is not the end of the world — there are ways to improve emotional awareness. Activities like creative expression, therapy, physical movement, journaling, or even screaming out of a window can help in expressing emotions.
Just one thing, though — punching someone is not an advisable coping mechanism.
