THE TWO TYPES OF ANGER.

ANGER PER SE can become either good or bad. It is how people use their anger that makes it positive or negative. Ideally, anger was given to humans by God as a tool to help build relationships. In its pure form, anger is an emotional signal that tells a person something needs to be changed. It was intended to be a positive motivator to be used in giving one another feedback about how life can be lived more productively.

I can recall many times in my life when I needed to be reprimanded. One particular incident sticks out in my mind. As a six-year old boy I once witnessed an older boy breaking out a window of a neighbor’s house with a rock. He laughed about it, and seemed to enjoy it, so I thought I would have a good time too. I got a handful of rocks and went behind the same neighbor’s house to his garage and proceeded to his garage and proceeded to break all the windows in his garage. It seemed like great fun.

However, as you might have guessed, I was caught by my father, who didn’t share the same enthusiasm with me. On the contrary, he was quite angry. Here I was breaking the windows of a good friend’s garage! Naturally I was punished and had to pay the neighbor for the damage. In addition, I receive a well-remembered explanation about the wrongness of my actions.

What would have happened to me if no one had become angry with my childish deeds of irresponsibility? A good guess is that I would have become worse. Today I might have a resemblance to the apostle Paul — that is, I could be writing to you from a prison cell. The anger my father exhibited was proper because it taught me a principle about correct living. If he had just snickered and said, “Boys will be boys, “I would have learned to continue my wrong behavior. His anger was proper in that it had positive results.

If my father had beaten me unmercifully and had made a public spectacle of me, his anger would have been destructive. Not only would I not have felt sorry for what I did, but I also would have had a sense of vengeance. I would have vowed that next time I just wouldn’t get caught. An overuse of anger can lead to serious repercussions.

There are two types of anger, assertive and aggressive. Through the years, much has been written and said about assertive anger. I think some people have overstated its usefulness. In its pure sense, however, assertiveness means to put forward one’s beliefs and values in a confident, respectful, self-assured manner. When used correctly, assertiveness is a positive trait. Certainly each person faces many situations that go against most basic beliefs. By being assertive, he demonstrates a commitment to what he knows is right. This is the type of the anger that the Bible encourages us to use. It is the holy type of anger used by Jesus Christ.

Aggressive anger, on the other hand, goes too far. Like assertiveness, aggressive anger seeks to put forward one’s beliefs about what is right. However, aggressive anger is used in an abrasive, insensitive way. Assertive anger is helpful and is careful to consider another person’s welfare; aggressiveness is inconsiderate. When people use an aggressive style of anger, there is little concern for the impact the anger will have on the recipient. There is little empathy involved. Consequently, aggressive anger tends to be destructive. People need to examine aggressive anger closely because, unfortunately, most tend to use this type of anger much more frequently than they do assertive anger. Aggressiveness is a direction reflection of the sin nature that exists within a person.

It doesn’t take a psychologist to figure out that this type of angry abuse is not going to help matters. It is only going to make a bad situation worse.

The thing sets aggressive anger apart from assertive anger is its destructiveness. Most anger expressed by the average person has destructive consequences. Usually we get so wrapped in trying to correct something we believe to be wrong that we get carried away. We do not make the effort to apply solid, constructive communication in those situations.

AGGRESSIVE ANGER:

• Seeks to punish a person who does wrong.
• Does not care about the other person’s point of view.
• Is stubborn, immovable, and demanding.
• Is condemning and judgmental.
• Has high expectations of everyone.
• Cares about what happens to oneself.
• Holds grudges.
• Does not notice one’s own areas of weakness.
• Is communicated with disrespect.

ASSERTIVE ANGER:

• Seeks to help a person who does wrong.
• Tries to be understanding.
• Is flexible and willing to seek alternatives.
• Recognizes we all have faults.
• Knows that even the finest people sometimes makes mistakes.
• Cares about the welfare of others.
• Knows the value of forgiving.
• Recognizing that one can always improve.
• Upholds other’s dignity as it is communicated.

God created everyone with an inborn knowledge of him. No one can state that he doesn’t know the nature of God, because all men are aware of who he is. This suggest people also have an inborn sense of right and wrong.

That is why each person is capable of using a potentially positive trait, such as anger, for his own selfish desires. Even though anger was given as a tool to build relationships, we use it for our own selfish gain. Consequently, it winds up working in negative ways. We can compare to a tool, the crowbar. A crowbar has many useful functions. It can be used to pry open boxes or windows that are stuck shut. It can be used to pull out nails out of wood. It can be used as a lever to lift heavy objects. In short, the crowbar was invented as a handy helper. But as a crowbar can be used for wrong purposes. It can be used to break into someone’s house. It can be used as a lethal weapon. It can be used to break objects of value. In other words, a crowbar’s worth depends solely on the motivations of the person using it. There is no limit to its constructive or destructive use except for how the user handles it.

If people allow their sin nature to control their lives, there is no limit to the destructiveness they can become involved in. If they want, they can take a simple emotion such as anger and turn it into a demonic force. Or if they want, they can use anger as an instrument of love and growth. Once people understand the dual nature of this emotion, they likely will be very careful in the way that they use it. It is frightening to imagine the impact this one emotion can have on our lives.