The word ‘love’ is unrivalled as the most misused, misunderstood, and abused word in the world. Infatuation is mistaken for love; fleeting relationships are taken as love, ‘I love you’ is uttered repeatedly without genuine understanding or insight. We instinctively desire and try to acquire love. Yet, ironically, the deepest disappointments, heartaches, frustrations, and pain are all because of love.
What is this love that we all seek? More often than not, what we label as love is, in reality — attachment. As parents, we believe we truly love our children, yet our love is tinged with desire and becomes attachment. Difference between love and attachment is simple and clear; attachment is selfish, even if it is a mother’s attachment to a child — whenever an toward incident occurs, the first thought is, “What will happen to me?” Love, on the other hand, is selfless; attachment causes pain, love brings joy; attachment is about liking something in the other; love is about seeing ourselves in the other.
Our conventional understanding of love is to fall for someone so intensely that we are ready to fight against our parents, abandon our families, sacrifice our health and careers, and give up everything in a surge of passion. But what happens after marriage? For some, love deepens; for others, it turns bitter. Was this emotion truly love? Is it just an outpouring that eventually fades? Is love merely an intellectual admiration for someone? Or is it something far more profound — something that enriches and ensures the continuity of every relationship?
Of course, our love for family, parents, children, and spouse is love. However, the pain, grief, and insecurity we experience stem not from love but from attachment. Tragically, we mistake one f or the other, and, in our disillusionment, stop loving altogether.
LORD JESUS offers four beautiful essentials of love. First, be an active giver of love, not a passive receiver. Give, give, give… for in giving, you are a master; in receiving, a slave. Second, cultivate genuine concern for the beloved — be ever-ready to respond to their joys and sorrows. Third, love requires a deep and accurate perception of the other’s needs and nature. And finally, love must be rooted in respect — free from any desire to control. Love is not just a feeling, or a fancy, or a state of mind; it is a an art; it requires nurturing and sustained hard work.
To experience the true depth of love, we must expand our understanding of it. We must expand our understanding of it. We must consciously strive to keep our hearts open and be as selfless as possible. When our focus shifts from ourselves to the other, love becomes a mirror and a medium for our own growth and joy.
Our sages gave a beautiful definition of love; that which constantly and continuously grows and never diminishes — that alone is love. That which fades or ends is not love but attachment based on mutual give and take. Sadly, this transactional mindset even extends to God. We love the LORD as long as He grants our wishes, but the moment one request goes unfilled, we declare, ‘I don’t believe in God.’ We do not have permanent love even for the Permanent.
If we learn and practice these four essential aspects, we will not ‘fall’ in love — we will ‘rise’ in love. Love demands nothing. It wants nothing — not even love in return.
