HOW LITTLE ATTENTION RELATIVES & FRIENDS PAY TO THE MEMORY OF A PERSON THEY’VE GATHERED TO MOURN.
One day it’s all over. The Chosen One crosses over to the other side, leaving behind tear-stained and grief-stricken faces in his wake. One wonders if life will ever be the same for the ones left behind. Then 4/13 days later is the chautha or tehrveen or the prayer ceremony for the dearly departed. Something about chauthas confuses the living daylights out of me. The other day I attended one and it seemed as if it was more a gossipy hangout for long-lost friends and relatives, than anything else.
After the prayers were over, some family members got up to reminisce about the departed soul. Among them was the old man’s granddaughter. Formalities over, as everyone was exiting, the young lady was accosted by an old, grandfatherly type, right at the exit. He was deep in conversation with her, oblivious to the crowds he was blocking. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. The first two questions were innocent enough. The third made my jaw drop.
OGT – (Old Grandfatherly Type): ‘Are you married?”
PYT – (Pretty Young Thing): ‘No, Uncle, not yet.’
At that answer, there was an unmistakable gleam in OGT’s eyes and I could visualize the permutations and combinations of matchmaking doing a little jig in his head!
Even in the days leading up to the ceremony, one finds people milling a bout the bereaved family’s house, sipping endless cups of tea and exchanging tales about absent relatives, and sundry other stories. The dead person is now just a picture on the wall, looking bemusedly at all the acquaintances from his vantage point on a high table, decorated with flowers. It’s almost as if he is saying, ‘Hey, remember me? It’s because of me you all are here in the first place.’
By the way, did anyone in the family member to give him flowers when he was alive? Is he enjoying his prayer ceremonies or feeling a little left out? And as Anne Frank suggested, do dead people get more flowers than the living because regret is stronger than gratitude?
After all, none of the sundry visitors really seem to pay much attention to that lonesome, beautifully garlanded picture on the wall, apart from the cursory look and namaste. But then that might honestly be the final status of the dearly departed — a picture on the wall.
