Diagnosis of a serious illness or a chronic medical condition can change the lives of everyone in the family. As a parent, your first instinct may be to keep the diagnosis hidden or delay telling the child. But children are very intuitive and may pick up on changes around them so hiding the diagnosis can be a source of stress. Being open helps children cope with the condition better.
Wait until your initial feelings of shock, sadness, or anger have eased before having the conversation. First acknowledge your own emotions around the diagnosis, whether it is anger, grief, or thoughts like ‘my child doesn’t deserve this’ or ‘I wish I could take away my child’s pain.’ Make space for your thoughts and feelings. You can talk to your partner, a trusted family member or friend about what you may be feeling.
When you are ready, carefully choose the moment and setting for the chat. While there is no right or wrong time, it is best to pick a time and place where the child feels safe and comfortable. Many children find iii less daunting. If you broach the subject during a shared activity such as a walk in the park or an art session. Avoid beginning this talk during hurried moments like when your child is preparing to leave for school. Ensure there is enough time to allow your child to fully absorb the information and ask questions.
It could be helpful to plan your conversation ahead of time. Remember that it is not about finding the perfect words, but talking in an age-appropriate, clear, simple, and honest way. Rehearse if needed. Try to speak as calmly as possible.
BE AGE CONSCIOUS:-
Keep your child’s age and level of understanding in mind.
- Infants and toddlers may not understand what is happening but they do sense the family member’s anxiety and fears. Their primary concern often revolves around separation so tell them if the treatment will involve being away from you, specify the duration and assure them that you will be just outside the hospital room. Offer a lot of assurance through hugs.
- Young children develop a basic understanding about illnesses. You need to tell them what they have been diagnosed with in simple terms. Start the conversation by saying something like ‘You have an illness called diabetes and we have to visit the hospital to get some tests so you can feel better’ or ‘We will go to doctor uncle today, but mama and papa are right here with you. We will get some medicines for you to get better soon.’ Children might create their own answers in the absence of information, often imaging negative outcomes. So, encourage your child to approach you with any doubts.
- For older children and teenagers, start with simple explanations and follow your child’s lead. If they seem interested in learning more. Teenagers may sometimes feel more comfortable talking to a cousin or friend or may not want to discuss anything for some time. Respect their choice and offer them space to come back to you.
Children feel safe and trust you when the information given to you them is consistent and predictable. You can tell them beforehand if a procedure will be painful or uncomfortable. Tell them that they are not alone, specify that many children are diagnosed with the same condition and feel better once the treatment is complete.
ONE TALK IS NOT ENOUGH:-
The initial conversation may be the first of many. It is ok not to tell your child all the details in one go. You can find your pace as the treatment proceeds. Some discussions may become easier while others may become more challenging, When you are unsure of the answer, admit it. For example, you may say, “I don’t know about this, beta, I will check with the doctor and get back to you.” Always end the discussions by offering hope. Tell them, “Mama and Papa are with you through all of this. You’ll feel better with the medicines, just like other kids who have had this condition.”
Let your child know that it is normal to have a wide range of feelings and express them. It is natural that you become teary-eyed or cry while talking. You can take the opportunity to normalize the expression of emotions. “Mamma is feeling upset so it comes out as tears. It is okay to cry if one feels upset. How are you feeling?” Normalizing difficult emotions and giving them a name can be useful for kids to make sense of their inner world. Using books to talk about emotions can be helpful too.
It is important to look after yourself too. Some parents find the strength to cope through religious activities like chanting or praying or you can consider talking to a therapist or a support group for parents. Don’t be afraid to rely on family and friends, who are offering support.
